Love like this ???

Ok macam Elya nak, kita menari tango tuk kawan Kita2 yang baru ni…Idina_el. Thanx ye awak….Tapi saya xde mood la nak menari bsorak ria hari ni…Sbb ada sesuatu yang menekan perasaan saya skang….

Hmmmm, I want to burst out this feeling. But I dun know where to start… Difficult… Really difficult… Ok, im happily married… So far, alhamdulllilah, truly happy with arjuna…They way he love me, the way he care for me, they way he be by my side… Yes, of course, we do fight here and there but that what marriage is all about right..No problem with that…But as time pass by, I realize sumthing…. Am I losing sumone?....Or, that sumone thinking she’s loosing me?...
Ermmmm..Im a wife..But still living with parents..LDR with hubby…. And Im a daughter of great mum…Eldest in the family… Mum’s besfren…I used to be happy go lucky person…Talk a lot and laugh much with my mum… I used to hang out with my mum everytime im free from work…Shoping…Chit chating juz for us…We are gud buddy!... But now, I dun know that, am I doing sumthing wrong?... Because mum seem like away from me… She treats me as her daughter as usual. But she refused anything I did to her..She refused my help..She refused what I buy for her… Like she can do or have sumthing on her own..Like she dun need me anymore… Like im strangers to her…Why?...Becoz she think I not belong to her anymore?...Becoz im a wife of a man? Becoz being a married women means ur life is for husband only?...
I know from the beginning that she feel sad when thinking im going to married…As early as I bring arjuna home a year ago, she start thinking she’s loosing me…She like arjuna…Force me to have ikatan yang sah with arjuna…But at the same time, she juz want me to be her little girl only…I still remember the drama…On her last year birthday…After she had phone called by arjuna, wishes her happy birthday, we went out for dinner. In the car....She asked me about my relationship with arjuna..Are we going to move on to next step?..I said “ala, relax la dulu”…Then she start blabbering that im not young, this the time to move on, who else I want, bla la bla n bla…But, then, she start cying…She said , yes, she do want me be by her side always…She still tak puas merasa hidup with me…But, she said, thats what we called life..A girl should married..have their own family…cant live under ketiak ibu for whole life….She is the one who said that in crying… Dad juz listen and mute…
And the prep begin…She is the one who handle my wedding…She is the one who help me with ideas and everything…She is the one who always advice me to be a gud wife… And it turn out to be such beautiful wedding….
But now, I realized that she never let it go…Why she treat me like a stranger now?..Because as Rasulullah said, “ jika manusia boleh sujud sesama manusia, aku akan menyuruh isteri sujud pada suami..”..so no more “ syurga terletak di bawah kaki ibu?”….For the God sake, this Akkad never changes me!!!!...I always be who I am…Im still her daughter… Ready to be gud listener…Free to hang out with… Still have this shoulder to cry on… And I still live with my parents rite?...
Everything was ok earlier…I dun know what trigger this “loosing-feeling”...I know, recently mum always crying for no reason… Easily hurt….Am I doing anything wrong?...Or, is this because my sister start to talk and dream about her wedding too?.... …Argghhh!!..This really stress me out!...
I try to put myself in her shoes….. Im not angry with her at all…. But inside here, im damn sad… Im sad because she feel that way…. It happens nearly 3 weeks already. Last nite for the 1st time I cry like crazy in my room..On the phone with arjuna..I never told him before… And this morning, mum treat me as usual as she used to be….As im still her little girl…Preparing me breakfast and I kiss her hand before out for work…As always…Everything like usual except she refused anything from me….And she look sad deep inside…..
Hurmmmm, I know I should not post sumthing like this here…It about my family..It sensitive….But I need help….And I think I dun need to be ashamed for what happen…It juz I have a problem which is, having too much and too deep love from my mum………………..